Farmer chops down hedge
So birds can't sit there
And contradict him

Comments

[Brian Pike]

I spent a long time fretting over whether to lose the word 'the' in the second line.

*** update ***
On 3rd March I took it out.

[Katie]

I say lose the 'the'. But who am I to comment?

[Brian Pike]

Katie, I know you have an affection and instinct for all things Japanese, so I take your comment very seriously!

Usually shorter is better, and 'the' isn't a very fascinating word.

My reason for keeping it was that 'birds' sounds like, well, just any old random birds in general, whereas 'the birds' makes them sound as if they're just a little bit more organised and a force to be reckoned with. Shades of Hitchcock's 'The Birds'.

It's The Birds that Farmer has an issue with, not just the occasional passing wren. That was my feeling, anyway.

It's a tricky one to call, though.

[katie]

OK so now you've alerted me to the complex and subtle issues surrounding this matter.

How's about losing the 'the' and putting in a capital B on Birds? When I imagine it as Birds, I can almost hear them squawking (my god, that took me 4 attempts to spell right, sudden literary block!) in disbelief that their hedge has been chopped.

Ooh it's tricky. It's also your haiku, and therefore your call.

PS I hope you don't think I spend more than about 20 seconds on my haiku, to me they are but a fleeting thought but I know you are 'supposed' to put a lot more into them and applaud you for doing so!

[Brian Pike]

Eek! Now you've introduced a possibility that I hadn't considered.

It's an interesting question: how much to try and polish the fleeting thought? And does the polishing somehow make the whole enterprise less authentic?

I have some... er... fleeting thoughts on that issue which I might... um... polish up and blog later!